


We Can't Stop the World From Burning, So We Might As Well Enjoy A Meal.

by 42069, swishyclang, tschulie, Violas Crack Fics (ViolaMoon)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26121817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/42069/pseuds/42069, https://archiveofourown.org/users/swishyclang/pseuds/swishyclang, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tschulie/pseuds/tschulie, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaMoon/pseuds/Violas%20Crack%20Fics
Summary: Ron likes food and the world burns.
Kudos: 3
Collections: Fanatical Fam's Crackfic Chaos





	We Can't Stop the World From Burning, So We Might As Well Enjoy A Meal.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a Crackfic written by the Fanatical Fam over on the discord for the Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them podcast!  
> These fics have been created using our favourite bot - Chocolate Frogs - during a game we like to call Crackfic Chaos.

Neville Longbottom was known to be clumsy. But it usually wasn't that bad. He had just tripped and now he was falling down numerous flights of stairs for what seemed to be going on for minutes until he suddenly got caught by strong arms wrapping around him.

"Watch where you are going Longbottom," Malfoy sneered. "But while you are here, Hagrid was asking for you." Neville nodded and extricated himself from Malfoy's arms, noticing that he rather enjoyed it. But Hagrid was waiting. 

Ron wandered past and thought briefly about hurling an insult at Malfoy, but since all his insults were about Malfoy's father being a Death Eater and Slytherins being evil he rather thought Malfoy already had a good enough handle on his sins. Also, eating death sounded... unpleasant, Ron thought. Eating, however? He was very close to the Great Hall... 

Ron ignored Malfoy and Neville in favour of food, and was unaware that Hermione thought him very mature. Ron ignites Malfoy and ate and ate and ate, but what he didn’t know was that it wasn’t actually Malfoy but his even eviler twin! Ron didn't care about the distinction, though, and kept eating. This was what he was born to do. Even Gregory Goyle would never be as good at this as Ron. He was a champion - maybe not the kind of champion that all of Hogwarts would praise, as for something like the Triwizard Tournament, but a champion nonetheless. It would be Ron, and not Greg, who would be... AS BIG AS THE SUN!

As Ron plowed his way through plate after plate, a singular rabbit hopped past and looked at him curiously. 

"There you are, Thumper! I have been looking for you everywhere," Draco said picking up the little white rabbit. "Faatthheerr missed you so much, yes he did." But then Draco looked down and the bunny was in flames. 

In front of him, his evil twin was glaring down at him. 

"What’s that you said about ourrr fatherrr?" Asked his twin. 

On the side, Ron continued to eat ignoring the whole ordeal Ron only looks up from his food when he heard two almost identical screams reached his ears. Now not only the fluffy pink bunny but also the Malfoy twins were on fire. 

Ron decided to run towards the Hospital wing to get Madam Pomfrey to help but not before finishing dessert! Ron grabbed a cream puff and shoved another in his mouth as he ran towards Pomfrey’s office but Pomfrey wasn’t there! What was he going to do about the two Malfoys and bunny all on fire?? 

Ron looked around, there had to be something. Cream puff still in mouth, he suddenly remembered. He was a wizard after all! 

"Aguamenti!" he cried and water sprayed all over the two Malfoys and the bunny but it didn't have the desired effect. 

"I'm melting!" cried one of the Malfoys. Ron shrugged. That was probably a good outcome. 

He turned back to his food, ignoring the world around him once more as he felt himself heat up the more he ate. A strawberry shoelace dangled from his lips as the heat increased and his sweat began to sizzle on his brow. He tried to hold it in, but a short cough was enough to ignite the strawberry shoelace and it began to burn - closer and closer to his lips, where the juices of everything he'd eaten were waiting to explode...

The fire had reached the Ravenclaw tower, where MastermindLuna had left her newest developed weapon out in the open. It was some type of magical bomb. The planet earth exploded but first it rained glitter and everyone died happy, especially Ron since he was still eating.


End file.
